it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
