i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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