The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize