So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The power of my boobs compel you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
