I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
