just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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