There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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