i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize