Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
