tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
