Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
