my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
