i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
