I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
