my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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