You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
