But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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