In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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