He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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