Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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