It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
