cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
