You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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