how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize