I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I touched a dick in church today
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
