I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
