I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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