My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
