Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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