I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
