How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
