My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
