Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
