just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
