He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
