Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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