if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
