Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
