I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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