I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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