Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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