You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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