That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
