Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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