what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
