It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
