i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
