After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
