You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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