She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
