I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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