Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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