The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
