brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My bed smells like the plague
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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