Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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