Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
