ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
