i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize