then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
