My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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