that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
